Chapter 17 ~ A First Love, Unfulfilled

It was love at first sight.

I spotted Ren in the basketball club which, somehow or another, I'd joined simply because I was tall. In that moment, I happened upon my first love.

Ren joined at the same time as me, both of us beginners, but she immediately made waves. Firstly, she's a natural athlete. She didn't move like a novice, and improved quickly, plus her height allowed her to start playing immediately. A rising star, out of nowhere. As such, her naturally-cheerful personality meant she was instantly popular. Seniors and first-years both looked up to her.

And, above all, Ren was gorgeous. Her long black hair, her clear, cute eyes evoking a cat's. She charmed people just by being near them. Even me, who had nothing in common with her, couldn't help but fall in love.

Ren was always at the center of attention, shining like the Sun. I could only stare at that radiance while an inferno blazed in my heart.

Though Ren and I were both first-years in the women's basketball club, we lived in different worlds. So I gave up on my love from the beginning. No matter how far I reached, I never thought I'd touch her.

My first love was supposed to gently wind down with only my heartfelt thoughts, no words exchanged. But my resignation changed in the rainy season, two months after I joined the club.

Ren suddenly cut her hair short. As if in response, her naturally cheery personality dimmed, as well. Her dazzling radiance no longer scattered around her. It was like she was a different person. No longer the Sun shining on everyone, more like the Moon, quietly hanging in the night sky.

Everyone around her was bewildered by the sudden change. Before anyone knew it, her always-charming, cute eyes were tinged with sorrow, and her beauty had changed enough that no one dared to carelessly get involved.

Just like that, the people in Ren's orbit disappeared. Everyone fearfully gazed at her beauty from afar, as if she was a work of art which a single touch would ruin.

I was no different, too awestruck to bring myself near her voluntarily.

Ren's the one who approached me.

In all likelihood, I think it's because I'm the quietest, most taciturn member in the club.

There wasn't any particular reason. For however long, she and I had spent a lot of time together. Traveling, free time before a match, that sort of thing. She didn't do anything notable, she was just near me more often. We hardly ever exchanged words; my pounding heart was the only sound in that silence. My first love, whom I thought I had given up on, was right next to me. Even if we couldn't exchange any meaningful words, my world turned saccharine just by being near her.

I feel faint whenever Ren walks with me, changes clothes next to me, practices with me, or when she claps as I score a basket. All those moments are distinctly etched into my mind. I truly wished for these peaceful days, this softly beating heart as if ready to burst, for this first love to last forever. I don't want my love fulfilled, but I don't want it to end, either. Those were the regressive hopes I held in my heart.

However, that indefinite happiness came to an end. On the way home one day, Ren spoke up randomly.

"Shimamoto-san, is it okay if I ask you something?"

The sound trembles my eardrums like a bell. She stares as if desperate, her sparkling eyes reflecting the setting sun.

All I can do is nod. "Sure."

Ren takes a moment to catch her breath. She starts talking afterwards, painfully, as if confessing a crime.

"It's about a friend of mine. This friend, well, she's fallen for someone she shouldn't have. Or, how should I put it, she didn't just fall for them, she's probably always loved them, but she only just realized it isn't normal. So, anyway, she can't hide these feelings because they'll overflow whenever she's close, so she decided to keep her distance. But it hurts, and every time she's cold on purpose to them, it's like her heart's gonna explode. It's really bothering her, so what do you think she should do, Shimamoto-san?"

I've never seen Ren so talkative. She expressed so elegantly, so keenly the enormity of her "friend's" feelings. Each and every word tore up my heart anew.

She waits stoically for my reply. In a daze, I clutch a love that can no longer be fulfilled or communicated and somehow wring out some words.

"I don't have a solution or anything for you. I do know something of the bitterness of unrequited love, though. So, tell your friend that... that they aren't alone."

Her eyes opened wide, and she nodded.

"Understood. I'll tell her. Shimamoto-san, if you're still bothered by your love, tell me. I'll try to help you, if you want."

"Thanks. Maybe someday...." I laugh feebly.

There's no way I can ask her for advice.

The ruined shreds of my first love endlessly drift in the palm of my hand, unable to be pieced back together nor cast away.