Chapter 15 ~ Ai's World

"Kawai-san's the girl who walked off with that kouhai, right? I wonder how they know each other."

"They don't just know each other, they're sisters."

"Huh?! They don't look alike at all. Kawai-san's reserved and never stands out. I mean, her little sister's so tall."

The people in this classroom making that selfish racket should just shut up already. None of them have an eye for Ai's good qualities.

That is to say: such arrogant egos judging others so naturally, how rudely they invade others' personal space without any hesitation or restraint, remind me why I've become cynical with socialization. I'm pretty demonstrably like this, too, so I'm bad at anything related to personal relationships. It's like I'm snarling at myself, a fastidiousness mixed with a hatred of people like me.

My past self wanted to be free from these kinds of ties, refusing all socializing to mire myself in BL as a cover. I was fine with anything, as long as I could immerse in it and isolate myself from others. Moreover, the spheres aesthetically depicting mens' romance were unfamiliar to many, including me, so it was the best defense against reality. Nowadays, you could obviously say BL is my life's focus, but that was my selfish and mundane reasoning originally.

And that's exactly when I happened to meet Ai.

The human called Ai was the polar opposite of the annoyances I avoided. I always felt tenderness and affection from her, which seemed completely absent from other people our age, so I was really drawn to her. I was skeptical, at first. I merely thought she was timid, that if I tore off a layer of her thin veneer, I'd find the same makeup as everyone else.

Yet Ai was different. She was kind to others, without clinging to her own conceit. For instance, instead of getting mad at her half-irrational, rebellious sister, she was so good-natured that she kept asking me for advice, worrying that something bad might have happened. I don't know a person more suited to the phrase 'the name says it all.' Ai is truly overflowing with unconditional love.

I once asked her, "why does your sister worry you so much?" Something like that.

"Because I'm Ren's elder sister. I have to protect her," she replied.

I felt powerless against that. Ai's world was tiny, filled to the brim with tenderness and affection.

No wonder her sister's become such a siscon. She couldn't be honest with that blinding radiance, she had to look away. She grew to envy the unconditional love that kept pouring onto her, even despite her fleeting rejections of it.

Having experienced one glimpse of Ai's world, I realized I wanted to be a part of it, too. If I could be by her side then I felt I could love other people, and myself, just a little. If I was near her, listening to the story of her sister, then I felt I could believe in human decency, just a little.

Ai was my solace. With my complicated distrust of others, she was all I could trust unconditionally.

I wonder sometimes, is my trust in Ai simply blindness? Am I just pigeonholing her into the role of a "good girl?" It gets me anxious, yet that worry ends up baseless. Ai has always been a wonderful girl, overflowing with kindness, affection, and consideration.

To me, Ai was a world carved from gemstone, so gentle and beautiful, liable to break at any moment. I doubted I'd meet such a precious friend again, for as long as I live.

That's why I want to protect her.

And now sparks rain down onto this cherished friend. If my guess is right, a malicious influence might be grasping for Ai at this very moment. Impelled by that presumption, I leave my seat and exit the classroom.

I survey the hallway. In the distance, Ai and her sister's uneven statures walk side-by-side. As if proving my apprehension, a hateful glare also watches that heartfelt scene.

Given her height, her familiar silhouette, her incredibly easy-to-read expression, I address her with a certain degree of confidence. "You Shimamoto Rira-san?"^[1]

Taken aback, the girl turns toward me. Her behavior and expression just now were all I needed to know.